Bode and I ended our retreat at Grace Grove on our 2 months wedding anniversary.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  We left happy and rejuvenated and even closer than before.  It was one of the most spectacular trips I have ever been on and one of the most beneficial leaps of faith I've taken.  I'm excited for the future and not at all nervous for the hurdles Bode and I have coming up.  I now have the tools to deal with them with grace and love and be able to show compassion.  

I learned that a majority of the baggage that I carried wasn't mine and I've come to love and understand who I am....every single part of my crazy little self along with all the crazy decisions I've ever made.  I learned that our plan isn't always THE plan and that adjustment and going with the flow when life throws you major curve balls is absolutely necessary.  I've also learned that the cure to every problem, even if it's not what we want to do, is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (as hippy dippy as that sounds it's so true)  I encourage everyone to do some research on this place and maybe, if you have the time, try it.  It's impossible to leave without benefitting.

I am so absolutely excited to be heading home tomorrow.  I do miss stability and familiar places.  I am looking forward to cleaning out the boat and getting it listed so we can move into our dream home!

Today is the first physically AND mentally challenging day to be here.
The rest of the days were just mentally challenging.
I am growing and learning and facing things I never wanted to face....

....but now i'm hungry.....

really really hungry and all I can think about is a big fat cheese burger from In N Out

My butt is a little sore from sitting nonstop and I just have the urge to sleep all the time.  

But sleep during the day means no sleep at night, which I experienced last night.

The hunger and deprivation of sleep is resulting in me being a little bit resistant and a tad bit irritable.

Now on the positive side, yesterday, Bode and I got to work on our relationship.  

Learn to become more of a team.  

Learn what it meant to give unconditional love instead of conditional love.  

As much as I hate to admit it, I was much more of the conditional love kinda person whereas no matter what shit storm Bode and I had just gone through, he still loved me just as much as he did before.....AND HE SHOWED IT!  

We worked through little things that rubbed us the wrong way and figured out what triggered each other.

We gained new tools on how to approach certain situations and how to appreciate and love better than we already do.

But here's what made me the happiest....when Anahata (the leader of this meeting) showed us what it meant to be in a conscious and healthy relationship and bullet pointed the necessary qualities to succeed, Bode and I were almost right on with every bullet point.

Later in the evening, we had a chocolate ceremony.  I was so excited to get to eat chocolate that I raced out and sat down and waited to receive a little piece of goodness.  Well, guess what, it was a raw cacao nut with a little bit of vanilla bean and chili's brewed together into a tea. 

Not what I was expecting.

But it's what kicked off our "Dance of Liveration"

After our "chocolate ceremony," everyone picked a card from the display in front of us.  Each card held a word and an image.  With that word we could apply it to what we wanted or needed from the spirits or we could come up with our own prayer.  Everyone was then blindfolded and lights turned low.  Music began to play and our job as the pioneer's of our own journey was to dance, without judgement, and create the physical expression of our prayer.  I couldn't stop laughing because I just kept thinking of how Bode would be dancing.

Little fairy wings and spinning all over the place is the image I played in my head for his chosen style of dance.

At first, it all seemed so silly....until I picked my card.  It was dead on.

FORGIVENESS

in big bold letters across the top of my card.

Holy (*&^R%()*^&)(**(*&%$!!&&(*!!!!!!!!!

It couldn't have been more perfect.  

I didn't connect to the dance as much as some of the others, but when we gathered again at the end to share our individual experiences, it was spooky how everyone's cards directly connected to the journey they were trying to lead.

Bode's card read

SACRED UNION

which then showed two trees with separate roots joining into one trunk and all branches intertwining.

It was incredible to see how this connection between prayer and dance blasted some of our Grace Grove family into a new place.

Places of hope.

Places of understanding.

Places of pure joy and healing.

There is something very special about this place.

No makeup.  Sweats. Wet hair.

This has been my kind of place.  I have slowly come into my own at Grace Grove and have tried to experience each lesson coming in as raw as I can.  

Let me tell you something, being raw sucks.  

It's hard. 

I cry. 

I'm scared. 

I have to face so many internal and emotional issues that I have tried to push away for years.  

But it's empowering.

And it's real.

So now it's day two and I feel some clarity.

I'm hungry, that's no doubt, but I feel lighter (emotionally)

or because part of this journey includes multiple colonics.

TMI, I know.

But I've left baggage at doors and I've gotten perspective.

I feel braver and happier.....

Like truly happy.  It's no longer a choice.  It just is.

And I am so incredibly grateful to get to go through this experience with Bode.

Life right now, is beautiful.

I'm sitting on a plane tens of thousands of feet up in the air.  

That's one thing in my life that hasn't changed.  I still frequent airports more often than I do my own bed.  

I left Beaver Creek this morning around 4:30 am and headed down to Denver to catch my flight to Phoenix.  It was so hard to peel my husbands arms from around my body and scoot out of the warm bed.  I didn't think I had that much will power.  Needless to say, regretfully, I am sitting on this plane headed to Phoenix instead of enjoying the rest of the festivities in Beaver Creek.

Not to mention I am a little bit sad because I will be away from Bode for 30 hours!

30 HOURS!

It's pretty much the longest we've been apart in months.

Shit, 3 hours is pretty much the longest we've been apart.

Pathetic, I know.  But i'm already so excited to see him tomorrow.  I've been plotting in my head how I will successfully jump into his arms tomorrow without knocking him over.  So far i've failed with every mental game plan of keeping him in an upright position.

(get your mind out of the gutter)

So why is it so important that I leave early?

Bode and I have decided to do a health and wellness retreat down in Sedona, AZ.  It's called Grace Grove.  Some friends raved about their experience and said it was life changing.  Not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Quite honestly, I'm terrified.  I already feel way too vulnerable just being on this plane.  It's like i'm one step closer to fully committing to bearing my soul to people I have never met with the hopes of…….I don't even know.

So again, here's to new life experiences and throwing my arms up in the air with a "here goes nothing" attitude.

Grace Grove, show me what you've got.

Oh yeah, and Happy December!

We just got our plane tickets to head back to New Hampshire for Christmas.  This is going to be Bode's first Christmas with his family in 15 years.  We even got lucky enough to bring Dace back with us!  

Yeeeeee!!! I'm so excited!

A real white Christmas with my new little family.

….minus the real tree…

Believe me, I put up quite a fight but Bode insisted on a fake tree.

A fake tree is definitely not my first choice.  One of my favorite parts of Christmas is traveling to the tree lot together to pick out that perfect tree and setting it up in your house with the fresh smell of pine permeating the air.  It just seems more christmasy to me.

And what I've learned from previously posting about this little difference in opinion via twitter was that 99.9% of the women will side with Bode and 99.9% of the men will side with me.  The only difference is that the women get mean and angry.

So women, leave all your Bah Humbug comments off my blog. And for those men who want to act like women and leave a Bah Humbug comment, please refrain as well.

It's Christmas dammit

…..unless the world ends on the 22nd, of course……