I wake up to sun, salty breezes, palm trees and endless ocean stretching into the blue skies of Puerto Rico.  My face is set to perma-smile and my feet are slowly retreating back to my sandals tan 

(I have never been so excited about tan lines).

LIFE IS GOOD

The people here are so friendly and always engaging in conversation.  It's a very nice change of pace.

My teammates are fantastic and I really like the management and the coach.  I feel more like I fit in.

Last night we had our first match which we unfortunately lost, but I can feel that hunger coming back to compete and the desire to destroy people on the court.  It's exciting to have that feeling and to see some characters that I recognize about myself.

The fans of Llaneras (my team) are crazy!  They are loud and so supportive all while chanting, honking horns, and screaming the entire match!!  We even have vendors walking up and down the aisles of the stadium, not with popcorn or ice cream or anything you would normally think of as sporting event treats, but with trays of Piña Coladas!!!  That's right.....Piña Coladas topped with a cherry and pineapple!  I seriously debated if it would be frowned upon if I asked for one during the match.

Needless to say, I am very happy and I can't wait to explore more of the culture and food here in Puerto Rico!

Might even meander down to Señor Frogs in San Juan.

Being home has been the most fabulous day I have had in the past year.

It just so happened that Camilla was down here and we got to spend the night just like old times, chit chatting, telling stories, laughing, catching up.  It was magnificent.  Our time together was ended with a large egg white, vegetable omelet at Wilma's Patio on Balboa Island the following morning continued by a relaxing stroll around the boardwalk.  I have never wanted to jump with joy and excitement more than I did yesterday morning.  Grateful was the only thing that I could think or feel and it's so nice to be back where I belong.

Unfortunately, this trip home is going to be short lived.  I am hopping on a plane tomorrow and heading down to Puerto Rico to finish the season there.  I mean clearly I can't be too upset.  I am actually quite excited for the warm weather, gorgeous beaches, and endless amounts of fresh fruit.  The best part of it all is they have FIVE Costcos on the island!!!

Accepting any and all visitors.
NO VISAS REQUIRED!

I did it! I survived Russia.

I don't know how I managed to pull myself out of this hole that seemed to be a bottomless pit, but I did. Well, I've started to at least. I am by no means claiming that I am in the clear of these rock bottom shenanigans in my life but I know I am heading up. I'm facing the sky and I am running as fast as I can, UP from this self loathing, pity party, hell hole I managed to land myself in. With my lack of coordination, I know I am going to stumble resulting in multiple face plants before I reach the top, but I can see it. I can see the light and I see where I am going. It seems far, far away and time travel would be highly useful at this point but I guess I will just have to suffer the bumps and bruises in real time. 

The best part of it all is that through all the misery, depression, sleepless nights, and tears on my pillow…. I grew. I grew up, I grew stronger, I grew smarter, I grew larger (don't know if that was the kind of growing I was going for) and I grew to know myself a little bit more. Most importantly, I learned how to control my mouth a bit. This orifice on my face that likes to spew word vomit got me into a bit more trouble than necessary causing me to believe that an installation of a filter between my brain and my mouth would probably be a worthwhile investment. 

My parents always tried to advise me of this but I never believed them. I thought they were just jealous of my ability to be so INCREDIBLY honest. Who would have thunk it that they really had my best interest in mind?

Anyways, looking back on this time in Russia, I made some incredible friends who I am going to miss more than I can handle, I made some epic memories which will go down in history as some of the best nights of my life, and I more than willingly participated in some sleepless, crazy, perfect evenings/early mornings out on the town. 

It's so true that Moscow never sleeps…..and is full of Vodka. 

Thinking about these times is making me think that an encore is necessary in a few weeks while my visa is still valid.

To tell you the truth, thinking about these times is like the feeling you get when you first realize you're in love. 

Your skin crawls with excitement and your blood begins to race through your veins. 

You heart feels like it is expanding through your whole chest and that smile on your face that comes without any force at the slightest thought of those memories, radiates through your every cell and all you can do is just take in a deep breath and experience it. 

Let the high race all through your body, from your toes up through your spine and back down into your fingers. 

It's an experience, a rush, and I fell in love with it, with the people who came into my life. 

Call me dramatic but I am forever grateful for these memories and I definitely left a piece of me there.

I'm sure by now, most of you are baffled and confused by this sudden change in emotions, but now that I am out of the toxic situation that was volleyball along with the abusive and cold coaches, I can relish in what was amazing about that place, about my life.

Meet Carl.

My new best friend.

He holds 4 cups of coffee or the beverage of your choice.

I think I am in love.

I had the most fabulous day lounging around my home.  Honestly, I don't think I even left my bed more than one or two times.  It was the most relaxing, therapeutic, stress free day I have had since I can remember.  

I took an afternoon nap, I controlled my eating, I read a book, and I had a normal conversation with Camilla.

I feel like I need to celebrate today's little victories because it was a step in the right direction.  It was something to smile about.

We all know I will undoubtedly take many more steps backwards, but to have a day full of contentment and small successes was priceless.