I did it! I survived Russia.
I don't know how I managed to pull myself out of this hole that seemed to be a bottomless pit, but I did. Well, I've started to at least. I am by no means claiming that I am in the clear of these rock bottom shenanigans in my life but I know I am heading up. I'm facing the sky and I am running as fast as I can, UP from this self loathing, pity party, hell hole I managed to land myself in. With my lack of coordination, I know I am going to stumble resulting in multiple face plants before I reach the top, but I can see it. I can see the light and I see where I am going. It seems far, far away and time travel would be highly useful at this point but I guess I will just have to suffer the bumps and bruises in real time.
The best part of it all is that through all the misery, depression, sleepless nights, and tears on my pillow…. I grew. I grew up, I grew stronger, I grew smarter, I grew larger (don't know if that was the kind of growing I was going for) and I grew to know myself a little bit more. Most importantly, I learned how to control my mouth a bit. This orifice on my face that likes to spew word vomit got me into a bit more trouble than necessary causing me to believe that an installation of a filter between my brain and my mouth would probably be a worthwhile investment.
My parents always tried to advise me of this but I never believed them. I thought they were just jealous of my ability to be so INCREDIBLY honest. Who would have thunk it that they really had my best interest in mind?
Anyways, looking back on this time in Russia, I made some incredible friends who I am going to miss more than I can handle, I made some epic memories which will go down in history as some of the best nights of my life, and I more than willingly participated in some sleepless, crazy, perfect evenings/early mornings out on the town.
It's so true that Moscow never sleeps…..and is full of Vodka.
Thinking about these times is making me think that an encore is necessary in a few weeks while my visa is still valid.
To tell you the truth, thinking about these times is like the feeling you get when you first realize you're in love.
Your skin crawls with excitement and your blood begins to race through your veins.
You heart feels like it is expanding through your whole chest and that smile on your face that comes without any force at the slightest thought of those memories, radiates through your every cell and all you can do is just take in a deep breath and experience it.
Let the high race all through your body, from your toes up through your spine and back down into your fingers.
It's an experience, a rush, and I fell in love with it, with the people who came into my life.
Call me dramatic but I am forever grateful for these memories and I definitely left a piece of me there.
I'm sure by now, most of you are baffled and confused by this sudden change in emotions, but now that I am out of the toxic situation that was volleyball along with the abusive and cold coaches, I can relish in what was amazing about that place, about my life.