Game Plan

Luckily, we are home for all of March except for one little minor trip to the far east side of Russia neighboring Japan.

8 hour plane flight to be exact to play a volleyball match in Khabarovsk, turn around, and head back to Moscow.

I think I am going to say nuh uh to this recipe for misery, dehydration, little sleep, and back pain due to little leg room (our coaches and doctors get the exit rows) until I get my money.  

I must admit, I will be slightly bummed out because I truly love plane food.

You would think that spiraling out of control would slowly tapper off to maybe a trickle out of control.

Boy was I wrong.

It feels as if my spiraling has gone from a dust storm to a hurricane.  I can't find the motivation to blog, let alone get out of bed in the morning.  I am eating to make myself happy and I am reminded about my emotional eating with daily jokes from my team and my coach regarding my increase in size.  I have zero friends here to spend time with.  I have emotionally turned myself off and haven't responded to a single email within the past 3 months (sorry to everyone who has tried to reach out).  And to make things even better, my team is in last place, I haven't gotten paid since November, and I think it's safe to say i'm not having the most incredible season.

This post is not at all an attempt to get sympathy comments (I would prefer you don't leave any) or have people try to cheer me up.  This is more of an attempt at some self therapy and trying to cope with my situation.  I would have gladly been blogging about my experience from the beginning, but due to previous posts upsetting my co workers, it has resulted in me holding everything inside and self sabotaging my happiness and sanity.

My problems have taken over my life so much so that my marriage has gone to shit and my best friend hasn't talked to me in two weeks.  I have zero patience to have a conversation and often times it results in me screaming at the participating party.  Tears come far too easily and human interaction has become more of a chore than a desired free time activity.

I can't even remember what my laugh sounds like.

It's Warming Up!

Tonight Feb 4

Sat 5

Sun 6

Mon 7

Tue 8

Cloudy	Snow Shower	Snow Shower	AM Snow Showers	Snow Shower
N/A	35°	30°	22°	35°
High	High	High	High	High
30°	26°	20°	17°	17°
Low	Low	Low	Low	Low
Chance of Precip: 20%	Chance of Snow: 60%	Chance of Snow: 50%	Chance of Snow: 30%	Chance of Snow: 60%

It's almost bathing suit weather!!!

Gotta get this beach bod ready for teeny weeny bikinis and flippy floppys.

181.4

Lunch! Nom Nom Nom!

"F*&$ THIS and F*@$ YOU!"...

....came mumbling out of my mouth this morning when viewing the incredibly high number staring back at me from the little glass window on my scale.  And trust me, that dumb piece of modern technology that is more of a torture contraption than a helpful device almost saw it's last day and read it's last pound this morning.

After realizing that it's only partially my scale's fault for being accurate and honest, I decided to spare it from total domination.  However, I have decided that sometimes my scale should take some advice from men and instead of giving you proof that your ass does look fat in those jeans, to just read "error."

So today was my panic day.  Don't start gossiping and thinking that I am going anorexic but I really just want the scale to read a weight that doesn't make me lose my breath tomorrow when I see it.

Day #1
(really trying to embrace the European time format)

Let's play I spy....
Who can find the problem?
I think it's clear that I consumer 99% of my calories between 17.00 and 22.00.
I should probably work on that.

Au Revoir

I sat here in a past life.
Princess Morgan
That has a nice ring to it

Here are to some of the best memories ever created with family.  

My mother and I had such an incredibly fantastic time together.  Not only did we work through the problems and struggles of Russia, but we also managed to see three beautiful cities that hold centuries of fascinating history, play 87 games of backgammon, cook some delicious American food, and really enjoy the time we got to spend together (with no fighting!).

I am so sad she had to leave but I am so thankful that she arrived safely back in America.  I was terrified of letting her get on that plane after the recent bombings in Moscow.

But I think it is pretty much safe to say that I have one of the best moms in the world (if not the best).  She has flown around the world to my rescue countless times and without fail, whether I am in Turkey, New York, Israel or the Antarctic, she has found a way to turn all my problems into positives and make that light at the end of the tunnel reappear.

WHAT A GAL!

So with a clear head, a full fridge, and some seriously need will power...

I am facing day #1 of turning this experience into something special

and dropping some weight.

I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat but I think when I post my before pictures of the journey I am about to embark on, I will scare/disgust myself into sticking to this.  I really honestly can't believe I am going to make this challenge public because it's humiliating but I view it as character building and motivation to endure as little shame as possible.

So wish me luck and send some ideas my way on how to make some time pass.

Get as creative as possible.

Where's Waldo?

My mom and I are true warriors.  Not only have we mastered the Moscow metro but we mastered the Russian alphabet.

We somehow managed to drag our butts out my door and walk to the metro at 5:00 in the morning after only a couple hours of sleep, navigate the metro which fails to provide any signs with familiar characters of the english alphabet (we even had to change trains), and then find our train to St. Petersburg.  

It was such an adventure and I feel so accomplished.

There is just something about getting on some sort of transportation that moves at a very fast pace away from what your every day life consists of.  It's like freedom is becoming more visible and palpable and the weight of responsibility and the standard daily occurrences slough off the further and further you travel.  

So you must imagine that I am feeling pretty darn good right now being all the way at the Baltic Sea.

Here are just a few pictures of our adventure in St. Petersburg today in the -40 degree fahrenheit weather.

Our gorgeous hotel!

Get excited for pictures from St. Petersburg: Round 2 tomorrow!

Israel

Once again, I embarked on an adventure to Israel only to have the most incredible time!  I think it's a sign that Israel is where I should be spending some portion of my life, whether it be 1 month or 10 years.  My guess it will probably be closer to one month.

The flight service to Tel Aviv was fantastic.  With a full row to myself I stretched out and caught some shut eye only to awaken to soft comfy blankets that smelled like flowers.  For those of you who do not live or spend much time in Europe, soft blankets are a serious luxury compared to the usual stiff, line-dried sand paper we use on a daily basis.

A couple days in the sun with my mother and some healthy, natural, fresh food was exactly what I needed to reset my body to pound the court for three more months before I travel back to Israel to renew my visa for a second time.  I am even more excited for Mission Israel: renew visa round two because I may get to lay on the beach for a day in a bikini and most likely catch up on some much needed tanning time.

I will leave you all with a collection of some very disjointed pictures I took on our trip to Jerusalem.  Such an incredible city with so much history.  If you ever want to feel completely insignificant or an intense desire to figure out your purpose, I suggest you take a little trip to Jerusalem.