Bode and I ended our retreat at Grace Grove on our 2 months wedding anniversary.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  We left happy and rejuvenated and even closer than before.  It was one of the most spectacular trips I have ever been on and one of the most beneficial leaps of faith I've taken.  I'm excited for the future and not at all nervous for the hurdles Bode and I have coming up.  I now have the tools to deal with them with grace and love and be able to show compassion.  

I learned that a majority of the baggage that I carried wasn't mine and I've come to love and understand who I am....every single part of my crazy little self along with all the crazy decisions I've ever made.  I learned that our plan isn't always THE plan and that adjustment and going with the flow when life throws you major curve balls is absolutely necessary.  I've also learned that the cure to every problem, even if it's not what we want to do, is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (as hippy dippy as that sounds it's so true)  I encourage everyone to do some research on this place and maybe, if you have the time, try it.  It's impossible to leave without benefitting.

I am so absolutely excited to be heading home tomorrow.  I do miss stability and familiar places.  I am looking forward to cleaning out the boat and getting it listed so we can move into our dream home!

Today is the first physically AND mentally challenging day to be here.
The rest of the days were just mentally challenging.
I am growing and learning and facing things I never wanted to face....

....but now i'm hungry.....

really really hungry and all I can think about is a big fat cheese burger from In N Out

My butt is a little sore from sitting nonstop and I just have the urge to sleep all the time.  

But sleep during the day means no sleep at night, which I experienced last night.

The hunger and deprivation of sleep is resulting in me being a little bit resistant and a tad bit irritable.

Now on the positive side, yesterday, Bode and I got to work on our relationship.  

Learn to become more of a team.  

Learn what it meant to give unconditional love instead of conditional love.  

As much as I hate to admit it, I was much more of the conditional love kinda person whereas no matter what shit storm Bode and I had just gone through, he still loved me just as much as he did before.....AND HE SHOWED IT!  

We worked through little things that rubbed us the wrong way and figured out what triggered each other.

We gained new tools on how to approach certain situations and how to appreciate and love better than we already do.

But here's what made me the happiest....when Anahata (the leader of this meeting) showed us what it meant to be in a conscious and healthy relationship and bullet pointed the necessary qualities to succeed, Bode and I were almost right on with every bullet point.

Later in the evening, we had a chocolate ceremony.  I was so excited to get to eat chocolate that I raced out and sat down and waited to receive a little piece of goodness.  Well, guess what, it was a raw cacao nut with a little bit of vanilla bean and chili's brewed together into a tea. 

Not what I was expecting.

But it's what kicked off our "Dance of Liveration"

After our "chocolate ceremony," everyone picked a card from the display in front of us.  Each card held a word and an image.  With that word we could apply it to what we wanted or needed from the spirits or we could come up with our own prayer.  Everyone was then blindfolded and lights turned low.  Music began to play and our job as the pioneer's of our own journey was to dance, without judgement, and create the physical expression of our prayer.  I couldn't stop laughing because I just kept thinking of how Bode would be dancing.

Little fairy wings and spinning all over the place is the image I played in my head for his chosen style of dance.

At first, it all seemed so silly....until I picked my card.  It was dead on.

FORGIVENESS

in big bold letters across the top of my card.

Holy (*&^R%()*^&)(**(*&%$!!&&(*!!!!!!!!!

It couldn't have been more perfect.  

I didn't connect to the dance as much as some of the others, but when we gathered again at the end to share our individual experiences, it was spooky how everyone's cards directly connected to the journey they were trying to lead.

Bode's card read

SACRED UNION

which then showed two trees with separate roots joining into one trunk and all branches intertwining.

It was incredible to see how this connection between prayer and dance blasted some of our Grace Grove family into a new place.

Places of hope.

Places of understanding.

Places of pure joy and healing.

There is something very special about this place.

No makeup.  Sweats. Wet hair.

This has been my kind of place.  I have slowly come into my own at Grace Grove and have tried to experience each lesson coming in as raw as I can.  

Let me tell you something, being raw sucks.  

It's hard. 

I cry. 

I'm scared. 

I have to face so many internal and emotional issues that I have tried to push away for years.  

But it's empowering.

And it's real.

So now it's day two and I feel some clarity.

I'm hungry, that's no doubt, but I feel lighter (emotionally)

or because part of this journey includes multiple colonics.

TMI, I know.

But I've left baggage at doors and I've gotten perspective.

I feel braver and happier.....

Like truly happy.  It's no longer a choice.  It just is.

And I am so incredibly grateful to get to go through this experience with Bode.

Life right now, is beautiful.

I'm sitting on a plane tens of thousands of feet up in the air.  

That's one thing in my life that hasn't changed.  I still frequent airports more often than I do my own bed.  

I left Beaver Creek this morning around 4:30 am and headed down to Denver to catch my flight to Phoenix.  It was so hard to peel my husbands arms from around my body and scoot out of the warm bed.  I didn't think I had that much will power.  Needless to say, regretfully, I am sitting on this plane headed to Phoenix instead of enjoying the rest of the festivities in Beaver Creek.

Not to mention I am a little bit sad because I will be away from Bode for 30 hours!

30 HOURS!

It's pretty much the longest we've been apart in months.

Shit, 3 hours is pretty much the longest we've been apart.

Pathetic, I know.  But i'm already so excited to see him tomorrow.  I've been plotting in my head how I will successfully jump into his arms tomorrow without knocking him over.  So far i've failed with every mental game plan of keeping him in an upright position.

(get your mind out of the gutter)

So why is it so important that I leave early?

Bode and I have decided to do a health and wellness retreat down in Sedona, AZ.  It's called Grace Grove.  Some friends raved about their experience and said it was life changing.  Not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Quite honestly, I'm terrified.  I already feel way too vulnerable just being on this plane.  It's like i'm one step closer to fully committing to bearing my soul to people I have never met with the hopes of…….I don't even know.

So again, here's to new life experiences and throwing my arms up in the air with a "here goes nothing" attitude.

Grace Grove, show me what you've got.

Oh yeah, and Happy December!

We just got our plane tickets to head back to New Hampshire for Christmas.  This is going to be Bode's first Christmas with his family in 15 years.  We even got lucky enough to bring Dace back with us!  

Yeeeeee!!! I'm so excited!

A real white Christmas with my new little family.

….minus the real tree…

Believe me, I put up quite a fight but Bode insisted on a fake tree.

A fake tree is definitely not my first choice.  One of my favorite parts of Christmas is traveling to the tree lot together to pick out that perfect tree and setting it up in your house with the fresh smell of pine permeating the air.  It just seems more christmasy to me.

And what I've learned from previously posting about this little difference in opinion via twitter was that 99.9% of the women will side with Bode and 99.9% of the men will side with me.  The only difference is that the women get mean and angry.

So women, leave all your Bah Humbug comments off my blog. And for those men who want to act like women and leave a Bah Humbug comment, please refrain as well.

It's Christmas dammit

…..unless the world ends on the 22nd, of course……

I'm Nervous

I don't know if I am going to get in trouble for saying this, but I am so excited for Hurricane Sandy.

Like nervous excitement.

I know it will probably devastate many people, maybe even myself, but there is just something so incredibly awesome about Mother Nature kicking ass (until it kicks your ass, i'm sure).

Driving home this morning after squeezing in 9 holes of golf, leaves were beginning to bounce across the completely abandoned roads and it made my tummy do flip flops.  Now i'm sitting on the sofa and watching the trees bounce around and sway in the wind and the leaves on our potted plants are beginning to vibrate quicker and quicker.

The skies look angry too which is making the hairs on my arms stand up.

In California, our storms are comparatively mild from what all these New Hampshire folks are saying about Sandy which is only building my excitement.

I can't wait to hunker down and watch this show take place.  It's almost like a firework finale but for hours on end.

The California kid in me (which normally just prepared for rainy days) is saying,

"I can't wait to play board games and drink hot chocolate and watch mooooooviesss and cuddle with my kitty."

But the naive adult part of me is saying,

"Oh Sh*t Morgan, get ready to flip on your survival mode.  You might have to save the world tonight."

And the competitive athlete in me is saying,

"BRING IT ON!"

even though I know I don't stand a chance and also knowing that Mother Nature is not to be tempted because if challenged, she usually brings it extra hard.

But nonetheless, I hope everyone stays safe.

I Think I Could Get A Little More Sappy

I feel like every morning I wake up to new adventures and exciting events and before I even get a chance to sit down at my computer to write down all my thoughts and experiences, I am getting pulled out the door and into the day.  I am certainly not complaining but I do wish I was more diligent about my postings.  It's so fun for me to reflect and share this real life movie I'm living.

Sölden, Austria might be one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited.  I look back on the trip and all I can imagine is some overly dramatized love story.  Probably because I am a newlywed and I seem to romanticize every event but it went something like this......

I willingly fell victim to the speed and grace of our Audi as it sped through the snaking roads that cut through the mountain sides of Austria.  For miles, all I could see were waterfalls cascading down the violent cliffs into the vast openness of lush green fields.  Cows and goats casually grazed as soft white smoke gently rolled out of the chimneys of the modest wood homes.  Driving through what seemed to be a postcard, my attention was still fixed to the power underneath me.  To the aggression, the thrill and the man driving it all. Soft blue eyes hidden behind chiseled features and the shadow of week old scruff.  With hands wrapped around the wheel, he lead the adventure; he created the excitement.  He tamed the wild roads as though a knight would a dragon, with ease and precision. 

Yeah....that's exactly how I remember it.

Other than that daily occurrence, Bode taught me how to ski again which was so fun! We got to play some indoor volleyball with the rest of the ski team and we ate as much wiener schnitzel as we could get our hands on.

I'm sad we had to leave but I am so happy to be home.

Photos via

I Could Be Totally Wrong

And I most likely am....

But I started using this product called Cocoa Via.  They sent Bode this giant box of these packs that provide you with cocoa flavanols which are supposed to make you happy and healthy?

Well guess what?

I'm so flippin happy and my body feels amazing.

I have more energy and everything just seems to be working better.

But the true reason that I really like it, is that I have been losing weight ever since I started using it.  I don't know if it's because my insides are just working better or if the tangy goodness which makes me happy melts the extra lbs off.......

or it could just be that my volleyball season ended and my muscle is rapidly diminishing......

Hmmmmm, nope, I'm still giving the credit to the Cocoa Via....

But my point is, 

I LOVE IT

Especially for breakfast or dessert.  I mix it with some nonfat greek yogurt and load it with berries and it's the most satisfying treat ever!  They also have a chocolate flavor which I haven't tried yet.  I can't seem to think of a good way to use it.  Plus it makes me nervous that after tasting the chocolate, it's going to make me crave more chocolate.
I kind of want other people to try it and let me know if they get the same results.
Until then, I'm going to enjoy getting skinny!

Morgan Miller

I am kind of obsessed with my new name.....narcissistic? Definitely.

Morgan Miller

It has a nice ring to it.

Simple. Sophisticated.

....and it reminds me of Marisa Miller....

no relation

(for those of you who can't follow bad humor or don't know me, that's a joke)

I know my posts are all out of sorts and in no particular order but sometimes I just get so caught up in life that I forget about some little events that happen.

Liiiiikkkeeeee I got married almost two weeks ago!

It was perfect.

Everything about it.

Simple, quiet, beautiful.

I didn't have to go around and talk to all our guests (we didn't have any)

Our food was delicious and not the standard steak or chicken.

Our wedding cake was homemade by me and my bestest Camilla (it turned out tasting more like dry cornbread. I loved it!)

Our officiant almost died on our watch in the middle of the ring part of the ceremony and followed it up with a letter a few days later which included

1. A request of a tour of the boat

2. Apologizing for the "intrusion" with his almost sudden heart attack

3. Informing us he was a bee keeper

4. Asking if he left his glasses

(in that order)

But nonetheless, he was fantastic.

My adorable husband even made me my bridal bouquet.

After we ate and took pictures, we then curled up on the sofa to watch Sunday football and fell asleep by 9.

It was the most perfect wedding day ever!

No fuss, lots of love and no stress.

Hello From Sölden, Austria

I just spent 5 minutes on the internet learning how to do an umlaut over my O.

I care that much.

SMH

Bode, Harper and I arrived in Munich, Germany two days ago.  The trip, per usual, was full of snafus.  I am starting to feel that if we don't encounter multiple issues, then something is really wrong.

But with good must come bad so I view it's opposition as our standard.....with bad, must come good.

And did GOOD come!!!

I mean not just good, 

GREAT! 

EXCELLENT!

or as the Europeans would say...

SUPER! (pronounced SOUP-AIR)

Audi gave us the most beautiful S6 Wagon which is perfect for...

1. Our 6 giant bags

2. The windy roads through all these mountains

3. The autobahn with NO SPEED LIMIT!!!! (And having a racer as a husband, he clearly has a need for speed)

After two hours of breaking in our new whip, we arrived at our accomodations in Sölden, Austria (notice the umlaut).  

Das Central was so welcoming.  We walked into our gorgeous room which had champagne and strawberries displayed on the table and an adorable card congratulating us on our marriage.  They even set up a bed with a water dish for little miss Harper.  She is so spoiled!

I can't wait to do a little more exploring.

Stay tuned for stories and pictures of our adventures!

I completely forgot to do a little recap on the end of my season.

Huntington was crap so I didn't want to write anything about it.  I was sad and upset and it was such a horrible way to end my season.  

Luckily, I got a second chance to finish my play in 2012 on a high note in an even better tournament.

This past weekend, I got to play with Summer Ross in the NORCECA in Chula Vista.

No one should be fooled by this 6 foot 3 inch, 19 year old girl's 102 lb frame.  

She is unreal! 

Like unassumingly bad ass at this sport and she is so much fun to play with!  

All three days of playing with her were fun and we laughed and we kicked some serious booty.

After only practicing once together, we beat Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, USA 2, Canada and then lost in the finals to USA 1.

Obviously making it to finals and losing sucks but it was a blast.

With a silver in my pocket, I can close out this season with a huge smile on my face and some new found excitement to begin my 2013 season!

October Already?

Where has this year gone?

I'm still in shock 2012 is coming to a close considering it's sunny and we are still enduring the unwavering heat.

(side note: i'm sitting here listening to baby potatoes on Cartoon Network sing "small potatoes" over and over and over and over again.  It's a catchy tune so I know it's going to be stuck in my head later today while i'm grocery shopping.)

Anyways, this next month is going to be amazing!

I have so many things to look forward to...

1. My parents are coming out for my good friend's wedding and are coming to see the boat for the first time.

2. My dad's 71st birthday

3. Bode's 35th birthday

4. Beginning to travel for Bode's season

5. The beginning of my offseason

6. Spice lattes from Starbucks

7. Uggs and leggings

8. Camilla and Damir are coming down. 

9. Pumpkin carving

10. AND... I'M GETTING MARRIED!

It's going to be a pretty eventful month!

Minor Detail

Clearly I forgot a minor detail.

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!

I know a lot of people are either holding their breath or rolling their eyes but you know what?

I don't care

I'm so happy.

I already found my dress and it's beyond perfect and we already set a date.

The best part is that my family is totally supportive and excited which was unexpected but a great surprise.

Not to mention, I'm marrying into a pretty awesome family.  I get butterflies knowing that I get to marry this man I am so in love with but I get really excited knowing I get to be a part of his family.  

THEY ARE SO FUN!

(now i'm sure the eye rolling has increased)

But in true Bode form, the proposal was

1. unexpected

2. funny

3. unconventional

The "BIG QUESTION" came in a series of smaller questions and extended periods of silence.

Laying in bed, pitch black, 1 am......

......It went something like this....

Bode: I want YOU to ask ME to marry you

Morgan: Not going to happen sweetheart.  Goodnight

.....5 minutes later....

Bode: Should I turn on the lights to ask you?

Morgan: (laughing) You do whatever you want.

.....5 minutes later....

Bode: Will you?

Morgan: Will I what?

Bode: Marry me?

Morgan: (still laughing) Of course

.....5 minutes later.....

Bode: Sooooo should I put the ring on your finger?

He's so cute :)

Obviously there is a lot more to the story but that is the short version.  Everything about it was perfect.

(I love this picture of him)

It's been 9 days since Bode left for Portillo, Chile

It's the longest we've been apart

I don't like it one bit

But I get to pick him up tomorrow!!!!

A full 6 days early.

Oh, and I got my wedding dress today.

Went back to The White Dress in CDM for their sample sale and found the most gorgeous gown which I am going to alter and make short!  The best part is that I got it for a fraction of the original price.

Such a deal!

I'm feeling pretty successful at the moment.

Life On A Boat

The boat life is.....interesting.

It's growing on me.

The constant rocking, even when walking on dry land, took a little getting used to.

The room service to the boat from the Marriott, I adapted to quite well.

Waking up on the water, I LOVE.

And our unobstructed view of the sunset every night is like adding an exclamation point to the end of each day.

(girls love that crap)

Blasting my music and not having to worry about anyone hearing it is a total blessing, minus the fact that my walls are glass and everyone gets to point and laugh at my super white girl moves.

Having a captain's quarters as a "dog house" for Bode provides some laughs and some peace of mind.

The one thing I don't think I will ever get used to are the people who think it's totally okay to just come on the boat and start talking to you.  

I'm pretty sure I never walked into a stranger's family room to start a conversation and introduce myself.  

Especially when the opening comment usually falls along the lines of, 

"Oh, I haven't seen this boat here before. Is it new?"

.......Well sir, I'll give you one guess.

And I am willing to put money on your answer being correct........

I think a bell on the outside is going to be the next installation on this massive piece of floating metal.

Other than the lack of privacy, I guess it's not all that bad.

Hope everyone has an INCREDIBLE weekend!

I'm planning on it.

Things Are Not Quite Going According To Plan

Soooo we started the week coming off of a couple crappy losses in Santa Barbara

Normally I try to let previous weeks be history but I still had a bad taste in my mouth....that's probably why this week (all two days) has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start.

1. My darling kitty got fleas.  Lots of them. In my bed.  In my house.  On my clothes.  

YUM!

After a few baths and some flea treatment, my next step was to flea bomb my apartment.  So little miss Harper and I went to my aunt's house.  On the way home, she thought it would be funny to

2. Pee on my clean laundry that I did at my aunt's and poop in the back seat.  Cleaning that up was fun. And then, the next morning I began to pack for my move to San Diego.  I woke up to begin packing and 

3. Found little sesame seed type balls all in my bed and around the house.  I vacuumed it up and then picked up my kitty to check her for fleas only to notice a worm on her butt.  It turned out those "seeds" were dried up segments of tapeworms that had been coming out of her behind.  Obviously, I immediately took her to the vet and then raced home to pack.  I was out front in my yard staging everything to go into the moving van when the woman parked in front of my beautiful car

4. Backed into it and crunched the front because it was "a tight parking space." Then SHE TRIED TO DRIVE AWAY!

I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or cry at this point.  

I mean the peeing on the clean laundry....

....funny.  

I laughed

Pooping in the back seat.....

.....giggle.  

I saw it coming

Tapeworms.....

....eye roll

Hitting my car.....

.....OKAY! ENOUGH ALREADY! 

When is it going to stop?

Back to the story....

We exchanged information and I ran inside to shower for my two meetings in LA

5. NO WATER!

No kidding.

6. So now being late to both my meetings, I'm stretched a tiny bit thin.

Thankfully the day ends without any other issues. However, my Tuesday morning comes dark and early at

7. 1:30 a.m. I couldn't sleep.  I decided it would be perfect to finish up my packing so when the movers got here at 8 am, I would be ready to go.  7:30 rolls around and I get a message from Bode saying that 

8. The work on the boat wasn't finished so it won't be in San Diego for me to move my things onto today.  So now my move date has been pushed to tomorrow.  Here's the catch.....

9. I leave tomorrow for a volleyball tournament

I'm feeling like telling the universe to "Bring It On!" at this point but I think that's just asking for it.

Weeeeee!!!

I LOVE TUESDAYS!

My weekend in Santa Barbara was not the most successful couple of days.

We didn't play to the best of our abilities and wound up win-less.  Obviously, for me, it was a huge honor to be there and be the youngest of the top 12 teams, but still, I would like to think I could have done better.  I actually know I could have done better.

But on the bright side, the AVP is making a comeback!!!  This means I still have a job!!

HA!

But on another note, my moving date got pushed all the way to this Tuesday!

It's actually quite a funny story.

Hermosa Beach might be the best place in the world to live, but it's most definitely the worst place in the world to park.  So as I am standing out on the corner on Labor Day weekend looking like I'm looking for singles instead of a parking spot, I noticed a girl and her father are wandering around the streets looking at signs and what not.  I didn't think much of it until about 20 minutes later, standing in my house, peering through the window, I see them walk out of an apartment that has a for rent sign.  Without hesitation, I bolt out the door and sprint towards their car.  Reflecting back on my impulsive decision and seeing their faces as this giant girl came running at their car, waving her hands, I could only imagine the thoughts that raced through their heads.  My first instinct would be to save ourselves and plow her over with my car.  Thankfully, that wasn't me behind the wheel.

Anyways, long story short, I asked if they were looking for places to rent and I invited her and her father in to see my place to see if she was interested.  I wasn't surprised when she fell in love with my home just as I had.  She wanted to move in immediately! And because I am soooooooooo accommodating and nice and she wanted to be in by Thursday, I told her I could make it happen.

My first phone call went out to my mother in Chicago to update her on the events and two hours later she was on a plane out to California!  It's pretty safe to say my mom is the best.

Time to pack and get shakin'

It's moving time!

I'm Moving!

Today is a very very exciting day!

Not only am I beginning my training for one of the biggest tournaments of the year but Bode is heading south to pick up our new home!

Yes, I will be living on a boat.....

In the ocean....

I'm beyond nervous!

But isn't she pretty?

We need some ideas for names so start throwing them out there!

I can't wait to show you guys the inside when it's all put together.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Lately....

Sadly summer is coming to an end but, boy, was it eventful.  

Some of my highlights were....

- Going to the London Olympics with my bestest Camilla and my boyfriend Bode to cheer on Cam's super talented hubby Damir.  We found an amazing cafe where we had our morning coffee (Camilla's and my tradition when we are together), played tennis at The Queens Club, ate some of the best burgers I have ever tasted, and filmed some really cool trick shots with Dude Perfect.  All in all, a super special and memorable trip.

- Visiting Austria for the first time with my man and getting to spend time with him in Munich.  Our mini stay in Europe got me super excited to travel with him this winter and watch him ski!

- Getting three of my top finishes this season in volleyball and the year isn't even over!  One of them allowed me to qualify for the AVP Championships in Santa Barbara!

- Attending Preakness in Baltimore and having an incredible trip with some incredible girls.  Met some really amazing people at the Under Armor event and had multiple relaxing evenings lounging by the fire and having "family" dinners.

-Watching Bode's first horse run his first race and WIN!!  Jumping up and down in the box and screaming at that little horse (who was expected to finish last) to run was so thrilling!

- My new little addition to the family.  Harper is her name and trouble is her game.  I absolutely adore my new little kitty!

And there's still more to come....

- Moving to San Diego at the end of the month.  I'm sad to see my adorable little place go, but it was perfect for the year I had it. 

- Santa Barbara AVP Championship which is the top 12 teams to qualify from Cincinnati.  This is such a huge accomplishment for me and it is just a reminder that my hard work is paying off.

- And last but not least, ending my season and my summer by beginning Bode's season and touring around Europe!

AVP is BACK!!!

I know, I know....these posts are starting to become all too common on my blog.

Once again, I apologize for being absent from the blogging world for quite some time now and fairly sporadic in my attempts to post sub par blogs.

Because it would be far too difficult to try to catch everyone up on my life, I guess all I can do is start now with current events and hopefully the pieces will start to come together on my past, present, and future.

Sitting on a plane again, on the way home from Cincinnati, my beach volleyball season is coming to an end.  My new partner, Priscilla Lima, and I just finished the first AVP event of the season with a 9th place finish.  

Our first day of the tournament, we played lights out and won both of our matches.  

The second day seemed to hold a little less fortune and luck than the first.  

To start off day two of our tournament, Pri got a minor concussion after I blasted a jump serve into the back of her head during our warm ups against our Silver Medal team from the 2012 Olympics, Jen Kessy and April Ross.  We played well and fought hard in the first set and lead in the second but didn't come out victorious.  We also lost our second match to end our tournament.

Obviously this wasn't our ideal ending, but we managed to qualify for the AVP Championships in Santa Barbara which is being held for the top 12 teams!

I couldn't be more thrilled!

For some odd reason, I have this sudden urge to plant a garden and harvest my own food.  Somehow I managed to romanticize the idea of digging around in the dirt and sweating under the hot sun.  But the idea of bringing this fresh food into my house that I grew just excites me.  Maybe it's my need to prove to myself that I can provide for myself by myself. 

Wow, that doesn't sound stubborn at all….

I am pretty sure after visiting Camilla up in Sausalito and harvesting some of her goodies is what turned me onto the idea of doing it myself.  It was so much fun and seeing the successful end result of her hard work was gratifying, even for me and all I did was pick the food from the ground.

I'm not sure I have a green thumb or even the patience to let the food fulling grow but i'm going to give it a shot.

The Learning Game:

When there is ease and simplicity in your life, it's because earlier you learned a lot.

When there is resistance and obstacles in your life, it's because there's even more to learn.

And learning even more, is pretty much the main reason everyone is still there.

Class dismissed,

The Universe

The Windy City

Just settled down in Chicago.

Boarded the plane this morning still in my ESPY makeup, hair curled, and grungy sweat pants along with a baggy t-shirt.

This made me SO happy.

I am not quite sure why but I liked the feeling.

First stop in Chi Town was a quick photo shoot with Hilton

Such a fun crew and some really funny shots.

 Now shacking up to get some rest since Sarah and I compete tomorrow.

Excited for what this trip is going to bring as well as high hopes for some kick ass results.  Plus I get to see my mommy and my kitties!  

Happiness is definitely about the little things today.

Last night was the ESPY's!

I was such a stress ball/head case.  Bright lights and cameras and red carpets and tight dresses and loads of makeup melting off your face as you stand in the hot sun…..it all gives me anxiety.  I'm pretty sure it would give any female anxiety.

I'm not going to lie, my dress was pretty amazing but was so tight that if I even ate a pea, it would show somewhere around the midsection.  It reminded me of the story about the princess and the pea and all those mattresses.  Even through all those layers of muscle and insulation on my tummy, I am convinced that a little bulge would poke through if I ate a single nut.  

So hungry, hot, and not able to move….

anyone feel bad for my date yet?

I braved this event.  

Gives me some serious appreciation for spandex pants and oversized sweatshirts.

By the end of the night, I have to admit, it was a ton of fun.  Being around so many people with similar passions and goals who all have dedicated their lives to sport was inspiring.  Plus, even in my heels, I was SHORT!   

That single-handedly made the night a success.

"Patience child, patience.  

Life is a journey.  

If you got everything you wanted all at once, there would be no point to living.  

Enjoy the ride and in the end you'll see these 'set backs' as giant leaps forward; only you couldn't see the bigger pictures in the moment.  

Remain calm, all is within reach.  

All you have to do is show up every day, stay true to your path and you will surely find the treasure you seek."

-Jackson Kiddard

This is for those of you out there who often times wake up feeling like they are totally and utterly lost.  I say lost because these people have made the choice to explore different life paths and take journeys that are far from the societal norm of the 9-5 job.  

Not lost because you can't seem to get your ass off the sofa and keep getting fired from every job.

What i'm talking about is from what I consider to be bravery.  Bravery to create a future without the help of any structure or system.

Lots and time and effort go into taking each step and progress seems to be only measured in results.  Often times those results don't come......

So this is for you

TRUST:

Trust is never out there.  The soul essence that we call trust resides within you.  Trust is a decision.  It is a reflection of what you have decided to believe.

Trust is not about being comfortable.  It is about being willing to move beyond your comfort zone when there is absolutely no evidence that you will be supported.  Tust is not about looking for evidence that you are doing things right every step of the way as you move toward the end result.  Trust is about keeping the end results in mind no matter what steps you have to take to get there, or how bad you feel while you are stepping.  Trust is not about the work you ahve to do in life being easy or having other people support you in getting through the work.  It is about your ability to do the hard work without losing sight of why you are doing it, when other people try to convince you that you should be doing something else.  Trust is not about getting something back for the work you do as a sign that you are doing the right ting.  It is your ability to keep doing the work even when it looks like there is nothing coming back.  Think of it this way.  Trust is based on your ability to stand your ground and rely on your own abilities, knowing that no matter what happened, you will be better off than you were at the beginning.  Anything less than this is not trust.  

Keep Trusting The Process

and ENJOY

Back on Delta on my way home from two weeks away in Baltimore and Florida.  I now have a 9th and a 13th under my belt to start off the 2012 season and managed to have such an incredible time on top of it all.  My skills are improving rapidly and I have been blessed enough to have met a mentor that is willing to help me grow whether it be through my hard work and dedication or by dragging me along kicking a screaming.  

Her name is Priscilla Lima (Pri).  Not only is she an unbelievable player but she is also an incredible person and friend.

The difference in my play between the first tournament in Baltimore and the second in Florida was day and night after just a few days training with Pri.

My partner, Sarah, and I played one match in particular that was flawless.  Our rhythm was in sync, our movements graceful and our power relentless.  I didn't realize how much of myself I had invested into that match, emotionally and mentally, until the whistle blew from the referee affirming our victory.  Immediately I was so overcome by emotion that I crumbled into Pri's arms and began to sob.  This moment will forever be one of the most memorable of my career.  It signified a turning point.  That moment, for me, was a glimpse into my future.  I now know greatness is absolutely possible.

I'm on the right track.

Next Stop: Ft. Lauderdale

I arrived here on Monday and started practice on Tuesday.  I am still learning so many new things and going through some serious growing pains training trying to put my new knowledge into actual form on the court.  It sucks.  I get so angry because I want to be perfect now!  And by now I mean like 5 days ago.  Patience is clearly not one of my strong suits.  Not to mention I am so patient with everyone else but myself, which just annoys me even more.  I think I should start being a little kinder to the number one in my life: ME!

Today's practice was insane.  It's always tough so that's not what I mean by insane.  What i'm talking about is torrential downpours and 50 mile per hour winds.  I felt like I was on some battlefield waging war on the opposing team as we went diving through the wet sand, water pelting us in the face like tiny little bbs from the force of the wind, and dirt and sand covering our sweaty bodies.  Then it turned into some bad music video with 3 girls rinsing off in the showers as the rain continued to pour over us.

Hope that was dramatic enough for all of you.

Anyways, clearly we are having a great time, causing a little bit of a scene and making some great stories that will forever be remembered by the traveling trio: Jess Gysin, Pri Lima and myself.

Tourney starts on Saturday and I have some high hopes for this one.

I Don't Even Know Where To Begin

Hi!

I'm here.

Life is crazy

Actually, I think I might actually be crazy

But that's besides the point.

I'm back to airplane food, loads of Vitamin C, water, and hotel rooms

Currently sitting on Delta headed to Baltimore for the season opener and I am getting ready to poop my pants (not literally, i'm just so nervous)

Who would think I would still be nervous playing this stupid sport?  

It's not like i've played for over a decade or anything.  

I guess the nerves are validated by the fact that I am still new to beach volleyball and I still firmly believe it should have a different name because it's a completely different sport.

Not to mention I am terrified to drop trou and play in a bathing suit.  My body is still very Beyonce-esque and I have not yet found the confidence to rock these new found curves.

But hey, I definitely have bigger fish to fry than worrying about my dimples moving from my face to my ass.

So here's to the 2012 season, getting 1% better every day, and enjoying the ride.

Life is about challenges and battles and overcoming things that make you hurt.

Right?

Because that is certainly what I have been doing.

I just realized that I have been focusing more on overcoming obstacles instead of really enjoying life.  I dive into problems thinking the more I focus on what's wrong the better I can fix the problems. 

I need to learn how to acknowledge the problem and then let it float on by like it doesn't have anything to do with who, what, or where I am.

I am going to learn how to use the power of time and patience to help me let things pass so I can focus on enjoying the now. 

It seems so silly to me how I came to this recognition but I was browsing through Facebook and stumbled across a girl from high school.

She is a beautiful girl with a fantastic smile but had some issues when we were younger.

I clicked on her page to see how she was doing.

With every new picture that popped up onto my screen, all I saw was her white, beaming smile, and everyone surrounding her just as happy.  Each picture was about a different adventure she had enjoyed and with who she enjoyed them with.  I couldn't help but smile while looking at her page.  She looked so happy and so fulfilled.  Like she was really really REALLY enjoying life.

I want that to be me.

I want to look back at my pictures and think to myself, "WOW! That was really fun."

So here's to happiness, going with the flow, and making the best out of every possible minute of every day.

So here's a little update on my life here in Puerto Rico....
I was playing for Carolina.
We were bad
Very very bad
last place bad
The girls were AWESOME
like #Iwouldhangoutwiththemeverydayforayear kind of awesome
but we kept losing
so I got traded.

Now I play for Guaynabo.
We wear white spandex
like wet t shirt, transparent white spandex.
I didn't know how see through they were so I (accidentally) wore a leopard thong.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
But we are good team.

I am starting to get sick of coffee
I never thought this day would come
It was somewhat inevitable considering I drink it during matches.
That's right, matches.
I nixed water.

Lately, I have been totally jazzed on finding fantastic quotes that speak to me in some sort of way.  They provide that much needed motivation to get me through the day or to start that daunting task/project.  Some quotes I find actually make me want to workout or eat right or even clean my home.  It's kind of crazy to think about the impact words have and yet the people who spoke them never planned to inspired hundreds if not thousands of others.

Some of my latest finds....

"You have enemies? GOOD! That means you stood up for something in your life."

"Life is short. Break the RULES, FORGIVE quickly, KISS slowly, LOVE truly, LAUGH uncontrollably and NEVER REGRET anything that made you SMILE"

"Don't let the best you have done so far be the standard for the rest of your life."

"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started."

"Eventually all the pieces fall into place. Until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason"

Our kitchen always smells good.

I mean ALWAYS!

Either from the chicken and veggies that Kristen is always cooking or Diane going on her freak cleaning sprees, the aromas are always pleasant (minus this one day with potatoes but that story is for a different time).

Luckily we are all food fanatics and love to try new things.

Our latest and greatest in this kitchen of ours is our cookie dough dip.  But here's the catch, there is no flour or sugar or butter in our recipe.  The base is actually chickpeas!!!

Give it a try.

2 cans chickpeas (drained and rinsed)

1/4 cup peanut butter

2 tablespoons vanilla

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons honey

1/2 cup chocolate chips

*We usually add extra vanilla, salt, and chocolate chips to add a bit more flavor

Blend all ingredients (except the chocolate chips) together in blender then mix in chocolate chips.

*Tastes better after chilling for a few hours

Throw this dip on some graham crackers and thank me later.